Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
