you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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