its not stalking. its research.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
