his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
