last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
