so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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