hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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