i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
