Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
