I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
