No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
