There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
