the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
