The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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