Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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