it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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