How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
