and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
