Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
