you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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