I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
