90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
