I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
