he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
