So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
