Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
