i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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