am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
