This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I forgot wine drunk hurts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
