im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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