KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
