I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
