My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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