What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
