you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
