How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
