Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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