All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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