I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
