no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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