no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
