i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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