sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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