I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
