You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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