I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
