I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
