Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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