So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
