i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
