So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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