birth control should be required to get into college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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