i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
