My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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